Intuition.

Not false pretenses, per se, but not so far off either. How others view my utility… they may have decided what piece I am on their chess board and how I am to be used. And that’s fine – right up to the boundaries I explicitly stated up front… and my hackles are rising.

Karma is haunting…

I have a mantra of sorts. When instinctual response begins to wash over me and sweep me from my feet, I remember: “The mind lies.” It’s a reminder: All of my past instincts – everything I have believed – have led to this situation. They’ve let me to it in the past and have me concerned that I will encounter it again. My warning up front that I would not have it again have others sensitive to my concern. Their sensitivity may have them cautious to reveal their vision. Their caution raises my hackles.

A vicious cycle. “The mind lies.”

But sometimes it doesn’t.

Today was a good day, even if the pizza we had for dinner earlier will haunt me with heartburn later tonight – just something I know about my body as it changed over the last 15 years. In the meantime, while the family sleeps, the tv is running while I reflect and write.

Maybe someday I’ll learn how to use what others see in me for some positive outcome – for everyone, for my family and friends, and maybe even for myself. We’ll see where it leads.