Twenty-five years ago or so, when we had two landlines, one for humans and one for dial-up, we wouldn’t pay the extra money for “Caller ID,” frankly, because we didn’t have it. Besides, when that phone rang at those predictable times of day, it was likely a bill collector anyway.

I was able to set it aside. Yes, they’re going to call until those next checks come in and we can get it straightened out. It’s not personal; it’s the apparatus; it’s The Process. And I learned the law and I dealt with them, citing the Act, instructing them to contact me by mail, and so forth – just following The Process. But The Process affects different people differently. The Process counts on that. You can see it in the other folks’ eyes when the phone rings, and then again when they answer it.

Not a few years later, job paperwork. “Explain this. Explain that.” “Relive it all. Justify yourself. Prove yourself to me.” “And to me.” “And to me.” The path out of it was through it – at least that’s what it was at the time. After all, what paths are there but the ones you can see? And this path? It took its toll too – not unlike those phone calls. I suffered that path for years, until one day I stepped off of it.

Trade your suffering. Better to scrape by than to live comfortably harming others? What is there but to trust yourself? Who knows.

Ever since, the emails and calls come. They ignore my explicit request. It’s no cost for them to break the rules and ask, and it’s too lucrative for them if I agree. And for years, I’ve set it aside: it’s the apparatus; it’s The Process. It’s automated and predictable.

And the place where I found brief refuge? It lasted for a minute before they disregarded my explicit statement and asked me to step back on the path as well. The health insurance I’ve traded for all this? It has a particular benefit. I know this because every day, once or twice per day, my phone rings. The Caller ID shows it’s them. They leave the same, recorded voicemail every time: A notice that they have a service to help people dealing with anxiety, stress, insomnia, … The phone rings again and again and again… I set it aside. It takes its toll.